Pot Party Platform

The platform for the Pot Party is very basic. It simply states that every adult individual has the inalienable right to own, grow, buy, sell, trade or give away marijuana, or in any way facilitate its transportation or procurement.

It is astounding that people are still arrested for marijuana in this country when the President of the United States has publicly admitted that he has smoked marijuana. As we all know, he claims that he didn’t inhale. You know what? I’m beginning to suspect that he really didn’t inhale. He certainly plays the saxophone like someone who didn’t inhale. We live in a country where people are arrested and imprisoned for marijuana yet, the Vice President of the United States has publicly admitted to smoking marijuana. Actually, I kind of liked Al Gore’s response to the question "Have you ever smoked marijuana?" He said, "Yes. During Vietnam and after." Good answer. I could say the same thing. However, I suspect that Al has changed his prescription somewhere along the line. These days, I get a definite prozac, valium, demerol, percodan vibe from him. And I suspect that his lovely wife Tripper has had a toke or two in her day. In fact, I have this image of Bill and Hillary and Al and Tripper all together in the Whitehouse, in the oval office, under a blanket, smoking a bong and grooving to Fleetwood Mac.

We live in a country where people are harassed, arrested and imprisoned for marijuana yet even the speaker of the house, Newt Ginrich has publicly admitted that he has smoked marijuana. He claims he didn’t like it, and I believe him. He has publicly admitted that his drug of choice is Rainier Ale. That’s the stuff that, as kids, we used to call "Green Death".

We live in a country where people are harassed, arrested, imprisoned and their funds depleted for marijuana when even Supreme Court Justice Clarence "Long Bong" Thomas has publicly admitted that he has smoked marijuana. To my knowledge, he has not publicly admitted to smoking marijuana and watching porno at the same time. And neither have I . . .

We live in a country where people are harassed, arrested, imprisoned, their funds depleted and their families trashed for marijuana when even the Secretary of the Interior, Bruce Babbit has publicly admitted that he has smoked marijuana. Personally, I think it’s a good idea having the person in charge of this country’s land management be a pot smoker. Can you imagine how bountiful this country would be if marijuana were legal and America was the number one supplier of hemp products in the world? We would balance the budget and eliminate the national debt in no time.

The pot party has been going on for a long time. It was going on before I got here and will be going on after I leave. What I want is for this government to recognize the Pot Party as a legitimate party, because it is. We can thank our government for taking what is essentially a small personal pleasure and escalating it into a lucrative criminal enterprise for the gangsters, the police and the prison system. I say, free up the herb!